208 | When the Woman You Were Feels Far Away: Postpartum Depression, Grief, Loneliness, and Holding Duality
- 1 hour ago
- 5 min read
Listen to When the Woman You Were Feels Far Away: Postpartum Depression, Grief, Loneliness, and Holding Duality on: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Your player of choice
In this solo episode of Wild & Waking, I’m sharing honestly about a season of postpartum depression, anxiety, identity loss, and the strange loneliness of feeling like the woman you used to be is suddenly very far away. This is not a story about being unable to function. It is a story about smiling, making memories, singing in the car with your kids, and still feeling crushed beneath the weight of thoughts that no longer feel like your own.
I talk about what it has been like to return to therapy, to recognize high-functioning postpartum depression, and to grieve the version of myself who once felt so clear, energized, healthy, and connected to her work. After two unexpected pregnancies, years of unraveling and deconstruction, and another season of two under two, I am facing the truth that there is no going back to who I was before. There is only the work of becoming someone new.
We also explore the duality of motherhood: loving your children with your whole heart while still feeling overwhelmed by the reality of being needed so completely. I share the ache of putting soul-giving work on the shelf, the guilt that can come with struggling inside a beautiful and well-supported life, and the reminder that gratitude does not cancel out grief. Both can be true. Joy and despair can live in the same body. A life can be deeply loved and still feel incredibly hard.
This episode is for anyone navigating postpartum mental health, identity shifts, deconstruction, loneliness, motherhood, or a season where the person you used to be feels almost unrecognizable. We talk about asking for help, finding meaningful community, holding hope for the version of life that is still ahead, and continuing to commit to the woman you are becoming, even when you cannot fully see her yet.
In this episode, When the Woman You Were Feels Far Away: Postpartum Depression, Grief, Loneliness, and Holding Duality, I cover:
What high-functioning postpartum depression can actually look like when you are still smiling, showing up, and making memories
The buildup of postpartum anxiety, intrusive thoughts, hopelessness, and the moment you realize you need support
Returning to therapy after years away and the vulnerability of asking for help when you already feel overwhelmed
Why gratitude does not cancel out grief, and how a beautiful life can still feel unbearably heavy
The identity loss that can come with motherhood, postpartum, and being needed so completely
Grieving the version of yourself who once felt energized, clear, healthy, ambitious, and deeply connected to her work
The realization that there is no “getting back” to who you were—only becoming someone new
Loving your children wholeheartedly while still struggling with the reality of your current season
The emotional complexity of unexpected pregnancies and making meaning from a life you did not consciously choose
The tension between motherhood and meaningful work, especially when your work is a source of life force and purpose
Why being financially supported, deeply loved, or well resourced does not make your pain less valid
The loneliness of deconstruction, changing beliefs, and outgrowing relationships or communities that once felt like home
The vulnerability of putting yourself out there in search of aligned, local friendship and family community
Holding the grief of what is happening in your personal life alongside the weight of what is happening in the world
Learning to hold joy and despair, beauty and heartbreak, gratitude and resentment, without forcing one to erase the other
Creating a vision for the future when the present feels consuming
The small, brave actions that can move you toward the next version of your life
Trusting that hard seasons are real, meaningful, and temporary
Continuing to commit to the woman you are becoming, even when she still feels far away
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Emily is a speaker, facilitator, and host of the Wild & Waking podcast, creating spaces for women to unravel conditioning, reconnect to their truth, and rise in alignment with who they’re becoming.
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About Wild & Waking:
Wild & Waking is more than a podcast—it’s a sacred return to who you’ve always been.
This space is for the woman standing at the edge of everything she’s outgrown. The one who’s checked all the boxes, followed all the rules, and still feels the quiet ache for something more honest. More alive. More hers.
She’s begun the unraveling—of roles, expectations, identities that no longer fit. She’s remembering the voice beneath the noise, the rhythm beneath the hustle, the truth beneath the performance. She’s reclaiming her joy, her intuition, her fire. And she’s rising—not as a version of who she was told to be, but as the truest expression of who she already is.
Hosted by soul expansion coach Emily Reuschel, Wild & Waking is for the spiritual entrepreneurs, coaches, rural changemakers, and conscious leaders dismantling old paradigms and creating new ways of living, leading, and becoming. Through raw conversations, deep reflections, and embodied wisdom, we explore what it means to awaken a life of abundance, authenticity, and purpose.
This is for the woman who holds both sacred rage and radical joy. Who moves with reverence for the seasons of her life. Who isn’t afraid to break cycles, speak truth, and dismantle what no longer serves—not to destroy, but to create. To rebuild a world rooted in the celebration of difference, the beauty of nuance, and the power of sovereign, embodied leadership.
If you’re ready to come home to yourself—fully, fiercely, and without apology—welcome.
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